First of all, can we all agree it is NOT and will never be by force to be in a relationship?
Even if you’re 30+ and your parents are screaming “when will you marry?” It will still never be by force. Especially if you have to lower your standards? If you have to settle? It will never. Ever. Be that deep.
If you take nothing from this piece; take this.
It. Is. Not. That. Deep.
‘Millennial’
Noun
Plural noun: millennials
- Millennials have often been described as a young person born between the years of 1980 and early 2000’s.
We’re the generation that has seen so much change in the world, from politics to technology. We are one of the most entrepreneurial and innovative generations. One of the smartest generations! A generation driving change in all aspects of the world.
But for some reason, we are still getting our relationships horribly, horribly wrong. As in problematically wrong.
Side note: This is in no way to say that previous generations were better at relationships then we are, they definitely had their own issues too.
(Disclaimer, if you get triggered by this piece, you definitely won’t be the only one. But you do need to change your destiny.)
So its 2019 and currently I believe we’ve got tings, flings, friends with benefits, ‘as friends’, fuck-buddies, situationships and relationships.
Correct me if I’m wrong btw because I’m sure new ways to define ‘being taken fi eediat’ are being created as we speak. I say this because unfortunately entering most of those agreements if not done properly will mean you will be taken for a mug.
Now people that know me personally, know that I talk about self-worth. A lot. It’s a given that building your self-worth starts with and within yourself, however the relationships we keep, and the way we allow people to treat us can be extremely telling of what we think of ourselves. And the fact that a lot of people don’t consider that, is one of the reasons why I think we’re going about relationships wrong.
‘Counterfeit’
Adjective
- Made in exact imitation of something valuable with the intention to deceive or defraud.
Synonyms include: fake, copied, forged, imitation.
The majority of the above mentioned types of situations (flings, situationships etc) are just an imitation of relationships. A lot of people are winding up in circumstances which understandably may look like and may even feel like the real thing, when they’re really really not. Now don’t get me misunderstood. Personally I know that I couldn’t put myself into any of the above mentioned situations, but if they’re done correctly, I’ve definitely see them work.
For the purpose of this post, let’s think of these situations as verbal contracts, because in a way; they kind of are. First things first, these verbal contracts are NOT for the faint-hearted. Let’s get that out of the way now. If you know you cannot successfully abide by the Terms and Conditions FORGET IT…
And that’s just how it is, like any other agreement; there are terms and conditions that both parties must abide by, in order for the agreement to work. Of course there are some agreements whereby after some time the terms can be reviewed and possibly changed, but this is not a guarantee for every agreement and that’s extremely important to note. Now the fact that situationships are not seen as agreements, that come with T’s&C’s is the second reason I believe we are getting relationships wrong.
So, a quick recap before I break it down for you guys.
The two reasons I’ve identified as being the cause for us going about relationships in the wrong way are;
- We don’t realise that the way we allow people to treat us, speaks on the way we think about ourselves,
- We forget that romantic situations have terms and conditions that must be followed in order for the agreement to work.
Know your worth.
There is a huge difference between two adults choosing to have a purely sexual relationship with no strings attached, and one of our dear brothers or sisters getting embarrassed because they thought they could enter one of these situationships and turn it into a relationship. This is where self-worth comes in. A lot of people are settling for situationships, they’re settling for the imitation, the forgery that looks like it, but isn’t quite it. And the very reason they end up settling, hurt or confused is simply because they either didn’t understand the terms of the agreement they put themselves in, or they thought those terms could easily be changed later down the line. This can now turn into the situations that we’re all too familiar with where our dear bro or sis is crying every day because they’re getting cheated on, but the so accused cheater isn’t cheating because he/she is NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. Or when one party accuses the other party of not caring enough, but caring was never a part of the job description. It wasn’t in the T’s&C’s sis.
Staying in these types of situations when you know you’re not happy or being treated in the way you would like to be insinuates that you believe 1- this person is the best you can do, and or 2- you are worthy and deserving of the treatment which you are receiving. This can lead to even more serious issues like being taken advantage of or emotional abuse (definitely topics for another day.)
But I guess what I’m really trying to say is; respect yourself. If you know you want to be genuinely loved, don’t settle for the counterfeit. If you know you want to be in a relationship, why settle for a situationship? To then try to make the other person care about you in a way that was never agreed upon and get hit with “but you’re not my man/girl tho?”
Nah bro. It’s honestly not that deep to be with or attached to someone, it sounds cheesy but eventually the right person for you will come along. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you can easily get hurt or embarrassed simply because you didn’t understand the T’s and C’s or you thought you would be the one to change them.
Many have tried and failed beloved.
If you have the heart to get into one of these situations without catching feelings then I salute you.
Otherwise, last words? Guard your hearts, Think smart and Just know what you’re getting into.
Ezi xxx
The RealTalk Blog 